We all want to be liked. We want to be charming. We want to be charismatic. That is simply part of our human nature. Sadly though, so many people believe the stigma that you are born charismatic, when in reality, it is a quality that everyone can develop. Being charismatic is about perfectly embracing imperfections. It involves paying close attention to how you interact with others, how you inspire others, and how you subconsciously make others feel great about themselves. So what are the winning habits of charismatic people that everyone can embody?
Charismatic People Have Positive and Negative Empathy
Having both positive and negative empathy is a special characteristic of charismatic people. Positive empathy is when you don’t get jealous. Instead of feeling jealous, charismatic people get excited. They are thrilled when:
- Someone quits their job to travel Europe for 8 months
- Someone gets hired for their dream job
- Someone gets their business acquired for a large sum of money
Negative empathy is the ability to comfort others when they are down. Charismatic people will:
- Help someone when their family member is diagnosed with cancer
- Support someone when they get fired from their dream job
- Comfort someone when they break up with their long-term significant other
Possessing both of these reactions gives charismatic people the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and genuinely feel what they are feeling. They then use this emotion in their conversations and daily interactions to make each individual feel cared about and valued.
Charismatic People Are Humble
People want to spend time with positive, humble people. In a nutshell, charismatic people are enjoyable to be around. They don’t wave awards around or name drop for the sake of sounding important. Of course, it’s healthy to be confident and have a high self-esteem. But there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, which charismatic people rarely cross. Instead, charismatic people shine the spotlight on others. They take the time to learn more about you rather than making the conversation all about them. They are simple and easily relatable to. Charismatic people don’t let self-doubts about what their doing or their abilities to influence their interactions with the people they motivate. Being charismatic isn’t about their level of success, it’s about what they do every day and how they do it.
Charismatic People Are Generous
Being attentive to others is a unique quality of charismatic people. They look to others’ needs over their own. According to Adam Gent, the youngest-tenured and highest-rated professor at Wharton School of Business, there are three types of people:
- The Taker is an egoist. They tend to get more than they give. They believe the world is a competitive, dog-eat-dog world. As a result, the Taker puts their needs before everyone else. This strategy may work for short-term gain, but it’s nearly impossible to sustain.
- The Matcher is someone who seeks balance between giving and taking. They seek fairness and equality. If the Matcher puts too much into a relationship, without getting anything in return, they’ll eventually give up. They believe in even exchanges and trading favors.
- The Giver is altruistic. It’s a rare breed of human who doesn’t look for anything in return. Whereas Takers are focused on receiving all of the time and Matchers are focused on receiving at least some of the time… Givers don’t even think about it.
Charismatic people are the givers of society. They give without looking for anything in return. Not only are they generous with their time, but also with their emotions and when relevant, physical objects.
Charismatic People Put Stuff Away
In today’s society, people get stuck checking into their online communities and often are distant from what’s actually happening around them. Charismatic people don’t check their phones, don’t glance at their monitor, they focus only on the person that they are having a conversation with. People can never connect with others if they’re too busy connecting with their stuff too. Charismatic people continue their generosity with the gift of their full attention, which is a gift that few people give. Studies have found that people who deep gaze (those who look closely at eye color and blink rate), have a much stronger connection with those they are engaging with. This is what makes interacting with charismatic people so enchanting.
Charismatic People Encourage Self-Disclosure
Conversations with charismatic people are rarely shallow. They dig deep into conversations by asking insightful questions that guide others towards sharing things about themselves and then asking follow up questions. People enjoy talking with charismatic people because they build value, are approachable and they listen intently. Humans have two ears and one mouth, so they should have a listening to talking ratio of 2:1. Studies from Harvard researchers prove that sharing information about ourselves impacts the way the brain functions. The human brain is wired to enjoy sharing information about themselves. The self-disclosure encouraged by charismatic people truly makes people happy.
“Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can’t buy.
It’s an invisible energy with visible effects.”
– Marianne Williamson
By: Rebecca Clausen